The Diocese
     This is a sad week for the diocese of St Paul- Minneapolis. Our bishops have resigned, leaving only my friend Andrew Cousins with the crosier. Of course, Rome has assigned someone from the New Jersey diocese to help out until a new archbishop is assigned. I wouls not want to be the man who receives that phone call from the papal nuncio. All this is being touted as a way for the diocese to heal and begin the process of getting through bankruptcy and recovery after years of lawsuits brought because some priests did not honor boundaries.

     Having lived in the same diocese all my life and having known several (and I mean several) of the worst priest offenders because they were assigned to my parish, it is sad for me. It is also sad to know the victims. And yes, I know several. Altar boys, classmates, young women who, in their 20's, were deceived.
I can appreciate the anger of the former altar boys. The deceit and violation are far beyond criminal. I feel deeply for their parents, who trusted and believed in Good. I know women who left the Church they loved, left their homes and families and moved away, who spent hours in the offices of psychologists, suffered through difficult marriages due to the damage of these relationships with sick, ordained men. I, myself, questioned whether I should have said something when I saw a friend staying in a cabin with a priest- questioning if I was the perverted one for even wondering if something was going on between them. What was my responsibility in this, at the age of 21? I questioned myself and wondered how I could have thought anything but the highest and best of this priest and my girlfriend. I believed that friends had suddenly developed mental illness. I worried about the display of jealousy by my friends when they would see this priest with other women. I even questioned why I had not been a victim when many of the people around me had been. I had no idea what to say when young women were told they needed to dress more modestly, altar boy classmates decided to no longer serve at Mass, and friends' names were mentioned in depositions.

   I have experienced loneliness and depressed feelings and sadness because of the loss of friendships with women who were abused. Does it matter in the grand scheme that I have also been a victim, having been  friends of victims?  When I stayed in the Church and others felt compelled to leave, no one could blame them. But I could not go along with them as they searched for healing, probably because they did not know how to and where to go for healing. I did not know where I would land, and I needed some sureness. Maybe it reveals that I am co-dependent in that I was unwilling to leave the known, as muddles as it was/is, for the unknown.

   When some brave individuals made appointments with diocesan representatives, but were not believed or taken seriously, they turned to an attorney with a brewing hatred for the Catholic Church. This man has made it his life mission to "make the Church pay." And this is the part I do not understand and brings me sadness. Why do so many people delight in the downfall of Catholics? Why are the newspapers and radios filled with vitriol toward the Church?

   I am not defending the wrongdoers. I am not on the side of the perverts who have violated vulnerable. I experience indignation at yet another corrupted life ruining a human soul. Yet I wonder at the animosity of other people who are not church goers, do not believe in God or are invested elsewhere.  Why this delight, this hatred spouting about how "these (Bishops) men are evil... these men should go to prison.... the Catholic Church hides molesters..." Again, I am not defending the priests who did unspeakable things to oothers who were in their trust.  I am speaking about the haters of our local leaders. I have met these Bishops who have now resigned. I have felt them to be kind and humble, generous and compassionate- unlike their portrayal in the local news. Am I blind?

   Of course, agape love would cause one to raise a voice for the vulnerable, the defenseless, the wounded. Does this same agape love also raise compassion for the wrong-doer? After all, we are all wrong-doers. Do we not experience somewhere deep down a kind of  "If I were in their shoes, I do not know what I would have done..." I overeat, fail to love my husband and gossip. I harbored ill-will toward others and will never ever speak to a sister who betrayed a family member. I am mad at a teacher who humiliated me, a former supervisor who found reasons to make my  life miserable. And yet, in each of these sins, I must admit my own compliance and contribution.  And do not wish ill will toward them.
   I wonder if the hatred is really another reaction to that voice inside that reminds one of all the wrong we each have done.
   I wonder at how much responsibility a newly assigned Bishop has to dig into the pasts of abusive priests, their superiors and how cases were handled prior to their assignment. And what responsibility they have when others do not report, up the chain of command, that there is yet another cause of concern. Can a Bishop be held responsible for what they are not told? Is the law and the policy clear about the responsibility if he is told something of concern about a priest or minister?
     I have no answers, just questions and concern that drives me to remember to pray for all of us. The clear victims, the perpetrators, our local leaders, the attorneys on all sides, and those like me who know victims. I pray that my sins would not some day be on the front of the news, that I would carefully listen and act in such a way that charity is first and the vulnerable are protected. Jesus, have mercy on our Church.
 

Let Faith Provide a Supplement for the Failure of the Senses

March 2015
As a Catholic child attending Catholic grade school, I loved attending Stations of the Cross and Benediction on Fridays during Lent. Singing Tantem Ergo, the rhythm of "We adore thee O Christ and we praise Thee," recitation of the Divine Praises I felt were beautiful and other worldly. I think that is where I encountered Christ as a young person. I loved meditating on Jesus' death and suffering. 
Today I attended daily Mass. On First Fridays, the high school students, the grade school students and members of the parish recite the rosary, have Mass and have Divine Mercy Chaplet with Benediction. While there, I was filled with thoughts of Joe Hall, his parents and his dying. In my head, I was praying, begging Jesus to heal Joe. I felt so weighted down by his illness and the skeleton he has become. I think about the agony of his dear parents and feel heavily burdened for them.
I felt Jesus speak to my heart saying, " It is not your burden." This brought tears to my eyes. Of course, it is not my burden- healing Joe is not up to me. Caring for his parents is not up to me. Watching his friends and family suffer as Joe slowly slips away is not for me to decide or determine when, how, where. But I want to. I want to tell God what he should  or must do, because he really needs my help. He is a cruel God, requiring suffering and death-  if only he listened to me and conducted him self better. He treats his favorites so poorly, as St Theresa says, "No wonder he has so few friends." 
There was the gospel reading, " Israel loved Joseph best of all his sons... So when Joseph came up to them,
they stripped him of the long tunic he had on; then they took him and threw him into the cistern, which was empty and dry..."  Joseph of the Old Testament being sold into slavery- of course the reading had to be about a Joseph.
And the responsorial psalm:
Remember the marvels the Lord has done.When the LORD called down a famine on the landand ruined the crop that sustained them,He sent a man before them,Joseph, sold as a slave.Remember the marvels the Lord has done.They had weighed him down with fetters,and he was bound with chains,Till his prediction came to passand the word of the LORD proved him true.Remember the marvels the Lord has done.The king sent and released him,the ruler of the peoples set him free.He made him lord of his houseand ruler of all his possessions.Remember the marvels the Lord has done.

The tears and sadness and emotion can remain, but the thought of Joe Hall, like Joseph, going before them... the king setting the imprisoned free... this is a beautiful thought. Joe has modeled this to the young people in the Youth Group. And the burden of turning over to God the control of Joe's healing or dying, though extremely difficult is, is the only thing that can be done. Joe has given himself away to the Lord, and the Lord is disposing of his life. 

Literal translation of Tantem Ergo

Hence so great a Sacrament

Let us venerate with heads bowed [cernui]

And let the old practice [documentum]

Give way to the new rite;

Let faith provide a supplement

For the failure of the senses.

To the Begetter and the Begotten [both masculine gender],

Be praise and jubilation,

Hail,^[6] honour, virtue^[7] also,

And blessing too:

To the One proceeding from Both

Let there be equal praise.